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"My bf (30 m) gave me (25 f) an ultimatum: him or my cat"
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
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Look, we are going to be honest with you. We don't really care about the explanation. No matter how many times we see stories like this, they are never okay. There is never a good reason to give your partner an ultimatum, not when you're just starting a relationship, and definitely not when it comes to their pets that they love. We knew, even before reading the whole story, what our verdict would be. But we gave it a chance anyway… because who knows? Maybe there is a decent reason to do this?
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We understand being in love, we really do. We understand not wanting to destroy an 8-month-long relationship, where the families are involved and plans have been made. But this is a red flag, and there is no way to look past it. If he feels comfortable taking things that you love away from you so early on in the relationship and for no clear reason, then he's most likely going to do it in the future. And at that point, you truly might be in too deep.
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'My boyfriend gave me an ultimatum - him or my cat': 30-year-old man packs up in the middle of the night and leaves because he can't live with his girlfriend's cat, despite never objecting earlier
Cats are the purrfect detectors of red flags in relationships. We mean that seriously. If you have a cat or want to get a cat, the way that your partner reacts to them, the way that your partner treats them, is something that you absolutely cannot ignore. Your cats are there not just to be cute, although they do that job very, very well. Your cats are there to help you filter out people who you should not be involved with.
The way that people react to pets matters. If your partner thinks you are unhygienic for kissing your cat on the forehead, then either they don't understand the relationship that we have with our cats or they are a bit too neat-freaky for us. If your partner mistreats your cat in any way, harming them physically or otherwise, that's unacceptable, no matter the explanation that they have. And if your partner gives you an ultimatum, telling you it's either them or the cats, then there is only one correct answer to give.
You should not have to make a choice between your pets, who you love like family, and your potential future family. There are people out there who will accept your cats. Don't settle.
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